complications

                   It seems today since i woke up, everything i once believed when i fell asleep has changed.We had a plan ,but some plans don't fall through i guess. I was suppose to go home back to a small town , and out of this big city , but nobody agrees with me now even though it was determined yesterday. I've gone to the same school for 3 years then we decided to move. ever since i came here i feel incomplete and over all depressed . its probably just homesickness, but I'm at such a young age were i shouldn't have to feel this way if i don't have to.  I know what your probably thinking I'm being over dramatic which in some cases is true but i am one of those people who fix what they don't like instead of trying to accept it ,cause i know what i like and i wont change my mind.


   I sound like a spoiled brat but I'm not. Its just i have social problems and I'm really hard to understand and fallow in a conversation unless you already know me. so i spent so much time invested in these people my friends who my relationships with i feel as i love them like my own family. and i know people move away from there friends all the time but i wont accept it i will fight it till i am home and I'm hanging with my friends and going to the high school i always wanted to go to .

 I'm sorta kinda venting right now but I'm just overly aggravated. The people around me just don't understand and i feel like I'm trying to explain algebra to a toddler there never gonna understand.now i sound like an overly emotional teenager, which i sorta am lol. its just there screwing with my feeling of relief and sadness when they keep saying we are and aren't  going home. its like what do i believe and i feel as I'm developing trust issues next cause that's just what i need now. ughhhh


So i guess my advice is fight for what you believe in ? Idk just do what makes you happy don't just sit around and accept it cause its easier , which is what i used to do. You only have one life so live it how you want. Its gonna be hard but i  the end its all wroth it. I still haven't got what i wanted but I'm not gonna stop trying and that's what i advise you to do to. Even if your situation is different . complications aren't meant to destroy the plan there only there for you to try harder.

lol..........xoxo..um me...whoever that may be :)

Questioning and going with the flow

 First you should know I have commentate issues. Before when id hear people say                    they had commentate issues I wouldn't think people were serious and that they were          saying it to draw attention  to themselves or in movies to draw out the drama more. Cause that’s what sells right. But ever since my first love. I find it hard to be committed to someone completely, not saying I’m a slut and cant be trusted to be with one person, I just feel as when I'm in relationships I have to think for two people which I know sounds stupid ,but its true.

Which then inevitably ends up with me feeling guilty in taking time away from good guys looking for girls that would be so much better for them than me ,because they could fully have real feeling for them that I don’t think I could have. Its not that I don’t like them I just feel like the relationships I've been in, have been unfair.

That is until now. Keeping in mind my last relationship I was in love in was 3 years prior. I don’t now why this is any different though .it might be that I finally let go of my past love but I still know that I did love him like before so I really don’t know the real reason. All I do know is that he makes me feels confront able emotionally and mentally ,which I've never felt before . I also seem to be hyper aware of everything he does when hes around and I get butterflies as cheesy as it sounds .at first we were just suppose to be a fling as in making out and stuff like that. But then I moved 2,374 miles away and we keep in touched ,but we both miss each other terribly , but I'm afraid that might be the only reason I want him,because I cant have him that is how the old saying goes anyways.

Hopefully its not. I think I might be trying to find explanations instead of just going with the flow.  I love him,that’s for sure its just the why but then again love is a feeling some feeling can go unexplained. 

at least for now. 

so what I'm trying to say is stop questioning things and just go for it .what ever it may be ,you know unless  its life threatening or what not. its just if you waste your life questioning by the time you come up with an answer it may be to late.but obviously some decisions need thinking through   especially if it will effect  your life a lot . i hope that made since and i didn't contradict myself to much.

lol...........xoxo ..um me ... whoever that may be :)